Presence of Absence


My Mutti (maternal grandmother) used to take me to church when I was a little girl.  One of my favourite parts was the lighting of the candles but what that ritual meant for me only took root in July of 2017, just after Michael Stone’s death.  The week of his dying, I took part in an embodied yoga therapy course where we lit a beeswax candle throughout our learning time together to acknowledge and honour our heartbrokenness with Michael’s death.  It had been less than 3 months before then that we had gathered together as an intimate group to learn from him.

Although I lit candles before, it was the first time that I could feel the presence of someone’s absence, and the experience touched me deeply.  Just about a week or so after that, a yogi I knew was selling her candle making supplies and I was off-my daughter Hazel and I fell in love with making beeswax candles! 

Candle making with my girl stirred a longing within to learn about the lives of bees and what it might mean to walk through this world with grief, gratitude and love in the palms of my hands and heels of my feet.  And so it was this past spring I dove into: beekeeping studies with Ron St Louis from Capital Bees, yoga therapy certification with The School of Embodied Yoga Therapy, and learning ways to deepen my connection to earthly living beings with Steven Martyn in his Sacred Gardener School.  All the while, continuing my learnings with Stephen Jenkinson in his Orphan Wisdom School, as well as with Pam England from Birthing From Within.

As I began tending to bees and wondering about my path in this world, it struck me how caring for bees is to nurture what is present here, now and connects us relationally to all the living beings that came before and perhaps what may come. I longed to make candles for folks who care to acknowledge and honour meaningful moments and memories.  It was my desire to make candles from the wax of my tended to bees (and I still will!) but I’ve since learned that to have enough wax to be a candle maker it would require too many hives for me to be reasonably responsible for.  So I am so very grateful to announce that I have found a local beekeeper to source the wax to make candles! 

Throughout these next few weeks, I will be immersing myself more fully into making and selling candles.  If you love beeswax candles, I would be grateful if you would consider buying a candle from me.  Check out the section Bee Love on my website for more details.  I’ll be adding a Star of David pillar, 8 inch tapers and an owl in the next week or so.  Since I am still learning about what beeswax creations and practices other folks are into, I’d love to hear your comments!